


At Least Pick Up After Yourselves You Inconsiderate Prick

by giveortake



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, General Lich Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 11:37:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12725913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giveortake/pseuds/giveortake
Summary: Kravitz gets increasingly frustrated with chasing Barry's body trail. A boot is involved.





	At Least Pick Up After Yourselves You Inconsiderate Prick

There it was. Another body.

Kravitz knelt on one knee at the bottom of a precarious gorge, looking up. This particular location had claimed more than a few people before, so the situation wasn’t incredibly out of the ordinary, save for two important facts. Kravitz stood and looked around, scythe drawn warily as he held a breath he didn’t need.

One: This particular body had a bounty. While the gorge was a danger for normal folks, it wasn’t exactly frequented by practitioners of necromancy or other questionable arts.

Two: He’d seen this body before. Last time it was in what remained of a ransacked camp, the unfortunate victim of some raiders. Before that, floating in a lake.

A deep frown settled across his features, a sigh escaping as he ran a resigned hand through his luxurious locks. Just thinking of the searching he’d have to do, and the increasing likelihood of it being as fruitless as the last two times earned a wrinkled brow. “You’ve sure got your work cut out for you this time, Krav.”

The next time Kravitz saw Barry it was 7 months later, in the burnt ruins of a small cabin. This time he was early, early enough to see just who it was who’d left that body behind. His skeletal eye sockets seemed to narrow at the lich as he paused just outside of the cabin. Something seized him when Barry didn’t notice him, still hunched over something in the middle. Krav cleared his throat, indignant, and finally earned Barry’s glance over his shoulder.

“Are we doing this the easy way, or the hard way?” He said with his impressive-and-bored sounding accent.

To Kravitz’s horror, Barry looked back to whatever he was doing for a moment longer before standing, half-turning towards Kravitz. He slung his beloved blue jeans over his shoulder and shrugged at Krav.

“Can we like, put a rain check on this? I’m kind of back at square one, and I’ve got a lot of shit to do, so like, you know, if you could be a pal,” Barry gestured vaguely.

Kravitz twitched.

“N.. No. No? That’s not… how this works.” He managed, pointing towards the lich with his scythe. “Last chance. Give up the ghost and come willingly, or I make you come.”

Barry let out a quiet chuckle at Kravitz’s choice of words, shaking his head after a sigh.

“Worth a shot.” He said before blasting Kravitz with a spell he’d never heard of before.

By the time Kravitz came to, Barry was long gone, and with him, what little remained of Krav’s patience. He pulled himself to a knee, then to his full height, leaning on his scythe while he centered himself. “Next time, I’ll get you.” He swore under his breath.

Except, he didn’t.

‘Next time’ he was a few minutes too late. The chance after that was stalled and ultimately lost thanks to the inadvertent meddling of a necromancer (one whose bounty was a small comfort, but not enough to soothe the loss’s sting.) It was the next time that Kravitz was sure he’d had Barry cornered and trapped. Prepared for whatever spell he’d throw at him, Kravitz couldn’t have predicted his weapon of choice this time around.

Barry clocked him in the head with a shoe. Specifically, a boot. Specifically-specifically, a steel-toe boot. Kravitz didn’t know whether to scream or laugh at the absurdity. “You can’t escape forever!” He yelled, dazed and fuming on the ground.

Next time, Kravitz threw the boot back. Barry didn’t know whether to be offended his own trick worked on him, or flattered that Krav had kept the boot specifically for this.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a mutual on tumblr, and also because I wanted a boot to get thrown.  
> The title was going to be in this at some point but I got bored, so please imagine Kravitz saying it at your leisure.


End file.
